10 Reasons The Narcissist Chooses You- What They Are Looking For

Have you wondered why me?
How do I end up with a Narcissist?
Why did the Narcissist pick you?
Why am I a Narc Magnet?

Here are 10 Things to be aware of that abuser is looking for as a way to exploit, abuse, and con you.

Awareness is key! When we understand it becomes our strength rather than a weakness that keeps us stuck.

The traits they look for though they are positive, they can be used against you if you do not see these traits from the abuser's eyes.

1 ) Trust -They need to gain our trust and not be able to question what they say and do. That trust is what blinds us from seeing it or feeling the con.

2) Hope- They need us to be hopeful and that we will get our needs met at the end of the rainbow. It is the other part of what keeps us tied to the abuser for the long haul.

3) Honesty- They need us to tell them what they need to know so they will know how to play their moves. It isn't about being accommodating for them
however, manipulating.

4) Love- If we fall in love, this is how it keeps us anchored to them. It's hard for us to see reality and will try to rush us through the process. They are not in the love position, so that gives them leverage.

5) Vulnerability- They can't be vulnerable and will use yours against you. They won't let you into the truth. That's why they learned they couldn't be.

6) Empathy- The Narc wants you to give them compassion which allows them the ability to exploit and not focus on our feeling.

7) Generosity- The abuser likes to convince you to give things up to them by hinting and getting you to think you are giving to them out of the goodness of your heart. When they can get you to do these things for them, it makes them feel more powerful.

8) Lack of Awareness, Innocence- You must not see your value, and things were not in your favor. Not be able to see things that are not working in your support. We to be able to see it for what it is.

9) Forgiveness- To allow them to do what they are doing and not to keep track of all they have done. To not see that it never got to where they needed to go. We didn't know the intention was sadistic and purposeful. We needed to have a forgiving heart.

10) Pain Body-They need to have wounds that they could use against us. To be able to tap into our unresolved pain so we will not be able to heal.

The traits we have they do not. They have no empathy, no generosity, do not forgive...

After abuse, we start to hate those traits and can become afraid to love, trust, and forgive again.
The key is to start to see our value again and take care of self. To establish boundaries and limits that the abuser will see is a problem. They wait for the opportunity and hide in the shadows. We were the beacon of light that had beautiful traits, and they didn't want us to know it.

Once we have become void, we need to focus on giving to yourself first and only to those who deserve it and not those who would exploit it. Abuse is about power and control. The abuser couldn't deplete us completely; we can build it back up again; it just takes time.

It is hard to believe the person who saw was a mirage. All of those traits we had we needed to give ourselves first so that we wouldn't become void. That is what the Narcissist is, void of all of it. We know what that feels like to be with someone who is void of those traits, so holding out of sharing these positive traits permanently isn't the answer. Knowledge and Awareness are vital.
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Welcome to a community of fellow Survivors
You don't have to be alone; support is awaiting you.

I am sending out peace, love, and joy. You've Got This!
Terry Screen,
Empowerment Coach and Fellow Survivor

#NarcissticAbuse
#Awareness Recognizing it
#Awakening Understanding and processing it
#Assertiveness Handling it differently

The 3 A's that disarm abusers and strengthen ourselves.

By Terry Screen
Empowerment Coach and Fellow Survivor

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